If you were unable to attend my "parting of words" this is a gist of what I said. I wanted to share it because its how I got to this point. I will miss many things here in my American life including my family and friends. Know I love you all, and thank you! The next post I will be an official Motra!!!!!
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A few weeks ago I was taking my niece and nephew Madison and Hayes Bowling. While we were driving they started to ask me questions. Madison asked “ What are you doing home?” I told her well college is over and I am going on a mission soon. Hayes then yelled at me “Your going on a mission?!”I told them yes and then I told them I was going to Albania. After a few attempts of pronouncing Albania, Hayes said, You should have just picked Mexico they have the best tacos. After laughing for a little bit I started to think how weird it would be if we got to pick where we were going to go. When I had put my papers I had wanted to go to some visitor center where I thought it would be a little less intense and I had heard a rumor that they got an extra half an hour to get ready. However I find myself grateful today that I had someone who knows me better than I do, my Heavenly Father, pick where I am to go.
I started to contemplate a mission when one of my good friends started taking the discussions. I was able to see her change and also how the Sister Missionaries were able to do this with her. That is when I decided I was going to go. I had confided in a few people who said it was not a good idea, and that it was my job to stay and get married. This is when doubt had seeped into my mind, and have struggled with it. I knew I needed to go, but negative feedback was holding me back. So I put the decision on the back burner. I had thought if I am suppose to go I will know.
I continued on with life, with a mission popping up in my head almost everyday. I decided that working EFY might help me decide. I was able to work with the scriptures every day and to gain a simple understanding of immersing myself in the work of the Lord. About two weeks in to the summer I had received some advice from a friend of mine who was on his mission. I had told him I was so confused, I did not know what I was supposed to decide. He said this rely on the scriptures and Heavenly Father and it will come. He suggested that I read DOCTRINE & COVENANTS 9: 8-9.
This was the first time that I really understood the concept of the Scriptures and how we were giving them to study to receive personnel revelation and how they could easily be applied! Through this I learned how to trust in the Lord, and was able to make that my main focus in teaching for the summer.
One night at EFY, I had a girl come knock on my door in tears. She asked if we could talk for a few minutes. Even though I cherished my sleep and was very strict on curfew, I told her yes. After talking for awhile she had confided in me that she did not know the church was true, and that she had never felt it within her. I started to tell her about my decision about a mission and how I had come to read the scripture in D&C. We read it together, we talked about how we need to trust in the Lord to give us the answers. She promised me she would try it. At this point I realized that I had not really put the scripture to the test because I felt scared of the answer I was going to get. That night I was able to get on my knees and ask if going on a mission was the right thing to do. That night I got into bed, still confused and frustrated.
Two weeks went past and I still did not have an answer. I was to teach on likening the scriptures unto me the next day. I wanted to have a clear answer for me, and also a good way of teaching it to the youth. I had prayed before I read my scriptures that day to help me find an answer. I just opened my scriptures and started to read. I came to DOCTRINE & CONVENATS 11: 15-17. After reading this my mind was at peace. I had received my answer, I got the feeling that it was not my time to go, that I could go later in life. I finally felt like I had discovered what I needed to. I was able to share this experience with my youth so that they could better understand applying the scriptures to our daily lives, to small questions or the big ones.
A few more weeks had gone by, and I started to feel uneasy again about my decision. At this point I was so sick of thinking about it I did not want to go anymore. It felt like it was going to hold me back. I prayed again to know if the answer had changed. The next morning when I read my scriptures I had turned to DOCTRINE & COVENANTS 30:5. It made perfect sense. I knew that my brother Max was putting in his papers soon, and so I likened the scripture unto me. I found it such a blessing that I was able to use the scriptures.
All I could do was laugh. I decided an answer could not get clearer than this, it was time to swallow my pride and put my papers in. Even though it was a decision that would include a lot of sacrificing I knew I would be blessed if I had faith.
While waiting for my call I was able to witness the Lord's hand in my life, that helped me to learn some very valuable lessons. I continued to have many different doubts about the major life changes that would occur through out the next few months. It was the morning before I was to move into my new apartment for the fall semester. I had started to think, man why I can't go on a mission I have too much stuff to take care of, I don't know where I will store it, and I don't want to give that up just yet! I went to get my stuff out of storage, when I found that mice had been occupying it all summer. Almost every thing had been eaten through, or contaminated, it was gone. The next day at church all I could think about was how am I going to cook with no pans this semester. I was stuck in the moment. I had found this a common theme in my life, as many others do. All I could do was think about that ONE thing. However my entire perspective change about my lost stuff and the fact that I was going on a mission. I knew I still did not have a positive attitude about it all, and I knew it needed to change. It was that day that everything changed for me. I was in Relief Society when the teacher started to tell a story. It was about a Man who was trying to catch a flight and he was in a big hurry, however he was VERY hungry. As he was running to his gate, he saw through the window at the quick stop and had spotted some delicious Circus Animal cookies, (the pink and white ones with the sprinkles). He ran in as fast as he could and bought some. As he rushed up to the gate he realized that the flight had been delayed. Annoyed he sat down next to this young pretty lady. All that was separating them was a table. A few minutes went past when the lady had picked up the bag of cookies of the table, opened it, and started to eat one of them. The man looked at her very confused, he thought what kind of lady would take MY cookies, open them and eat one, RIGHT in front of me! He decided he would act somewhat calmly by taking a cookie from the bag. As he sat there chewing the young lady just smiled at him as she took another one. As time went on the bag got lighter and the mans temper got worse. After chewing a cookie as loud as he could while staring at her, he realized there was only one cookie left in the bag. He thought, ha, now this will show her true character is she going to eat my last cookie!? Slowly she took out the last cookie and tried to hand it to him. Refusing it, he became furious. He got up with his things and went to stand in line for boarding. He put his hand in is backpack to pull out the book he was reading when he looked down to see his bag of cookies. If I where him all I would have to say would be the cheese stands alone.
While I had listened to this story, I had taken the same perspective as the man had. I thought it was so strange and inconsiderate that this lady was stealing his cookies. However, in the end as I learned they were her cookies, I only thought how kind of this lady to share her cookies with a stranger who she had not even exchanged words with. She could had yelled at him for taking her cookies, but she did not. When she reached the end of the bag, she was willing to give up the last cookie. It changed my heart, and gave me the chance to change my attitude. I learned that we choose the perspective in the situation and we can decide the outcome.
At this point I was starting to learn how crucial it was to rely on prayer, and reading the scriptures. All of these experiences taught me the simple principles of the gospel that are taught in primary. I knew the tools were out there but I had never had a firm testimony of them until I put them to good use. I have learned we need to pay attention to the little things and learn from them so we have the ability to understand the bigger things when our faith is being tried.
The day I got my mission call, was one of excitement! I wanted to exclaim to the world that I had gotten my mission call. As I opened the call, I again was hoping for a visitor center, but was SHOCKED with something that would suit me much better, Albania. After my siblings roused me a few minutes about the transportation only being a horse and buggy, it all started to sink in... My life was going to change in the next five months!
After receiving my mission call I found myself in the “awkward” stage. I still had work, school, and a lot of playing to do before I left. It was an exciting stage though because I got to shock people with the fact that I was going to Albania. After I had told about a few hundred people I started to notice a pattern in the questions asked. The first question was are, well are you scared?! I have never felt scared about Albania, maybe nervous but not scared. The second question was always similar to well are you afraid to leave everything behind well everyone moves on?! Again my answer was no. The third question was always pertaining to boys, well are you afraid to leave all of the young stunning men? My answer again was no. After hearing the word “afraid” so much I began to wonder, should I be afraid, am I being to cocky about it!? Is it bad because I am not?! I was now afraid that I was not scared enough. During that time I was able to go to the temple and sit in the Celestial room where I was again able to pray. I had asked my Heavenly Father should I be afraid!? As I sat there I started reading in the Book of Mormon, I came across a scripture that fit perfectly. 2 NEPHI 2:22. After reading that scripture I was assured that its okay to not be afraid because I have my Heavenly Father watching out for me. When we go through big life changes, it is important to know we are never alone and so there is no need to be afraid for what is to come.
As the time got closer for me to leave I have able to see myself grow spiritually. I have found that I had a purpose to study the scriptures, a purpose to go to church, and a purpose to prepare. I was the one who needed to follow through on the motions, as Heavenly Father prepared me to embark on this new adventure.
One of the highlights of preparing as a Sister Missionary is all of the new clothes and shoes! When my papers went on the doctor had suggested that I needed to go to a car area because of my foot problems. Instead I was called to a mission were you walk a lot. From the beginning I had been worried about finding good shoes that would not mess my foot up. After many stores and trying on tons of shoes we made it to Dillard's. I had found a shoe that was pretty cute for a mission shoe and looked like it would be sturdy! The lady helping me came back to inform me there was only a size 5 and a size 10. I was pretty bummed out because it was the perfect shoe. I kept thinking, okay I was called to a walking mission it might be nice to get one break to get a pair of shoes that actually worked. I found another one to try on, but it was just not the right fit, I still had not found my Cinderella slipper! As I was slipping my vans back on the lady from the counter yelled WAIT! There was a man returning some shoes. They were the exact pair I wanted in the right size! It was a Christmas Miracle. I put them on and they fit like a glove. I received my break, not as early as I had wanted to,but I did.
I know I have shared a great amount of experiences with you all today. I have found that more then often, you are not the only one a particular position. In my journey to my decision I asked many of my female friends about their experiences, both women who went on missions and ones who had contemplated it. I found it useful to know that I was not the only one with such a big decision to make. Every girl that I talked to made it clear to me though, you need to know for you and only you. This is how I have made it here today. I would not have reach such potential without a Loving Heavenly Father that guided me along this path. He has taught the value of a simple sacrifice, that has slowly prepared me to sacrifice my time. He has prepared me for difficult members and companions and that it is my perspective that can change the negative situation. He has prepared me use the scriptures to not only help myself but to teach others of their significance and impact that they can have in our lives. He has taught me the power of prayer and how if we rely on it we will receive answers in his time, sometimes he has us wait so I faith can grow, but he does not forget us. He has taught me that there is a reason for everything and that he will be their for me through all of it. He will be my protector, my comfort and my best freind as I go out into the world. Throughout this whole process I have toyed with many different ideas for a scripture that will be placed on my plaque. I wanted to use the theme scripture from summer of work at EFY Joshua 1:9, that talks about having the courage to stand strong. That is when I found courage in myself. I then contemplated the scripture in Nephi that taught me that there is never a need to be afraid if we allow the Lord in our Lives. It was Christmas Eve that I came to my decision. I was reflecting on the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ, and how we would not have the atonement without him. We would not have the restored gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints. I would not be standing here today bearing my testimony. It has all happened because of our Loving Heavenly Father. I have chosen St. Luke 1:37 – For with God nothing shall be impossible. I know it is short, but so I am.
Through these months I have have had my eyes opened to the countless opportunities, blessings, and learning experiences that I have been given. None of this would have been possible with out my family, friends, and most of all God. I will be back, but for now I am going to go out and conquer what I once viewed as impossible, but will only succeed with the help of my Heavenly Father who has made it possible.
